I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
