it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
