Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
