i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
