the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
