As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
