You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
