watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
