I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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