you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
