I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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