i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize