I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
