when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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