WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
