I could have mohawked her pubes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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