I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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