Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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