You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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