i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
