when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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