we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
