I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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