My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
