mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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