as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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