If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My life is pants optional.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
