the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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