i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
