its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
