Michael Bay diarrhea
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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