if i can run in heels then i can drive
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
