SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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