shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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