I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize