im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
