how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need a beard to bite.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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