you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
