I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
