That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
