You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
