Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
