ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
