things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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