I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
