the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
