I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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