I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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