Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
