I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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