She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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