that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
