Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
