Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
