Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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