OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I cockslap morals
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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