he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
