I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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