Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my shit smells like andre
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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