saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
