She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
