I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
