Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
