I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
