I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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