every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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