I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
